That’s the title of a book by Garth Stein that I just picked up. It seems to be a really nice book from the 11% that I’ve read so far. It’s written from a dog’s point of view, whose owner is a race car driver. It’s only been a couple of months since we had to put Bacardi down and I was almost crying on the third page of the book. I don’t think it’s too soon though, I think reading this book will help me figure out feelings and file them in the right places so that I know what to do with them. Feelings are complex things and they can really overwhelm you at the most unexpected of times if you don’t file them correctly.
As an intended consequence of the ‘hooking up with 4 girls’ resolution, a.k.a. Resolution #8, I have been going on dates and stuff. (Refer to the previous post for an explanation on The Resolutions and Resolution #8). Going on dates has many desirable outcomes:-
- I meet new people, which is fun in itself. These people are also largely girls. I sometimes hook up with these girls. With the right people, hooking up is a lot of fun. Outcome #1 can be summarized as ‘Fun’.
- I’m learning how to be charming and stuff. A very important first step in this that I have never done before is immediately and openly expressing admiration, infatuation and interest. This expression, of course, needs to be gradually turned up only when the subject is receptive. I think I have a pretty good handle on gauging receptiveness by now so this is really pretty easy. This first step can be as little as offering a brief smile (and maybe a wave) when she catches me looking at her instead of quickly looking away hoping that she didn’t notice. It helps that I’m good at not being creepy. It helps that I’m not unattractive. This, however is only an example. Outcome #2 can be summarized as ‘Self Development’.
- It’s likely that I will end up in some sort of a serious relationship with one of these girls. The desirability of this outcome is can be debated, but that’s only because it eliminates outcomes 1 and 2 once it happens. It’s clear however, that the elimination of Fun and Self Development as a consequence here are only in the context of meeting and hooking up with new girls, and Outcome #3 should create new avenues for Fun and Self Development in the future. I shall, for the course of this examination treat this outcome as desirable. Outcome #3 can be summarized as ‘Long Term Companionship’.
In the context of Outcome #3, this process of dating can be looked at as a way of experimentally acquiring the best candidate for Long Term Companionship. From my observations of other people’s experiments with relationships, The time between a first date and a serious relationship usually varies between 2 weeks to 6 months, and in most cases us under 3 months. Now, this data hasn’t been scientifically gathered but if I was to draw a graph with what I have it would look something like this:-
The Y-Axis says “Chances of dating turning to a serious relationship (%)”, in case that’s hard to read.
Assuming one of the girls I meet by the end of the year (and this experiment) is a suitable candidate for Outcome #3, I have a 50% chance of being in a relationship by 10th February 2017 and an 80% chance of being in one by June 2017. Of course, the probability of this assumption being true must also be factored into this calculation but this is something for which I can not come up with any meaningful data. All I can say is that I have a good feeling about the girls that I can potentially date and fair confidence in my current ability to find more such girls.
Now the reason I bring this up is because of a particular girl, let’s call her Candidate A. I know her well enough to know most of her incompatibilities for Outcome #3 and I can still say that she’s a fairly good candidate. The best course of action would be for me to date her along with say 2 other good candidates. I can then be fairly certain of entering Outcome 3 with someone who’ll make it worth it. The problem is that Candidate A doesn’t want to date me now but at some point in the future. My inference is that this point will be 2-4 months from now (if at all) given that she’s chosen to start dating someone else at the moment. Since I consider her a good candidate and want there to be a chance for her for outcome 3, I am left with the following options:-
- Delay / postpone the experiment
- Keep course and let chance decide the outcome.
While I agree that Option 2 seems like the right thing to do, my partiality towards Candidate A tempts me to find a compromise between the two, which is to delay but at a later stage of the experiment and by a small amount of time. The biggest resolution of uncertainties is required when trying to answer the question, how much time? We shall take a dig at that in part 2 to this blog post. Meanwhile, here are a few pressing questions that we can try to answer for now:-
- Am I trying this concurrent approach to dating to make up for all the time that I haven’t been dating?
- Is this concurrent approach to dating to flawed to work? Is dating meant to be done sequentially?
- Am I grossly overestimating my chances of success with only a few months of dating?
- Am I favouring Candidate A only because I already know her well?
- Will anyone ever date me after she reads this post?
P.S. This post is to be taken lightly. However the comments section is open to all your opinions on the situation.
At the start of this year I made some resolutions. They were mostly a list of things I want to do more of because they make me happy. We’re a good way into November now and these resolutions all lie disappointingly incomplete. This is what they look like:-
- Read 12 books (7/12) – Sybil (I’m kinda cheating on this one since I started it last year and only read the last 20% or so this year but it’s too late to worry about this), Ready Player One, The Lover’s Dictionary, Wonder, Snow Crash, The Rosie Project, The Rosie Effect
- Write 12 blog posts (2/12) – Yes, counting this one.
Make an international trip (1/1)– I took a 20 day long trip this year where I went to London, The Netherlands and Belgium (and a bit of Dubai) and met a lot of old friends. I also attended my first ever international music festival. Make a road trip (1/1)– As a part of that 20 day trip, I rented a car and drove around The Netherlands. It’s a really small country when you have a car.
- Write 4 songs (0/4) – It might be safe to assume that this isn’t going to happen.
- Perform at an open mic night somewhere (0/1) – This is kinda dependent on the previous one. I also bought an electronic drum kit a couple of months ago. It’s great to practice and a lot of fun to play but I already feel guilty of how little I’ve used it so far. Making the time to pick up a guitar and write a song on top of that seems very unlikely.
- Wear a new accessory for a week for 8 weeks of the year. I barely have 8 weeks left so I need to get started on this ASAP!
- Hook up with 4 girls unless I end up in a serious relationship (0/4) – Don’t judge me on this one. These resolutions are supposed to be things that make me happy and I don’t do enough of. Besides, the reason this is hard is that these have to be people I like at least at the moment. Hooking up with absolutely random people really isn’t that much fun.
It looks bleak, but wait! There’s a reason this blog post is called Resolution Rejuvenation and not Resolution Relinquishment, and that’s because I’ve decided to throw in one last whole-hearted attempt at getting these things done. As with any good attempt at getting things done, it must start with a plan. While I was drinking with Radhika last Friday and telling her about the depressing state of my resolutions, she gave me her Ring. The ring was big, metallic and not anything I would normally wear. I wore it for a whole week which is how Resolution #7 a.k.a The Accessory Resolution was narrowly rescued from certain failure. It’s clear that I need to wear a new accessory every week for the rest of the year without skipping any weeks to save Resolution #7. Since this is straight forward, I decided to tie in all the other resolutions with this one. Here’s what I need to do:-
- Read 1.25 books per 2 accessories.
- Write a blog post per accessory.
- Write a song per 2 accessories.
- Perform at an open mic night.
- Hook up with 1 girl per 2 accessories.
Yes, I know I might as well have said per week instead of per accessory but it sounds so much more doable this way. I have committed so hard to Resolution #7 that it’s considered as a certainty and that makes the action plan one point shorter. I also know that I’m probably not going to end up doing all of these things but I know I can do at least 3. Wish me luck!
P.S. I started writing this post a week ago and things have changed now. Here’s an update:-
- Books – 7.16/12 (I’ve read 16% of A Brave New World)
- Blog – 2/12
- Song – 0/4
- Girls – 0/4
- Open Mic – 0/1
- [Accessories – 1.85/8]
Hopefully things will look a little better by the end of my second accessory.
A long time ago, there was a girl who was pursuing a bachelors in physics. When I first heard about her I thought It’d be awesome if she’s cute. She was cute. She was also super friendly and witty and kind. I don’t need to tell you that she was intelligent because the bachelors in physics says that already. She was just about five feet tall and loved Bob Dylan.
I was sitting at the AIESEC office one day trying to study a bunch of heavily condensed notes on automata theory. I had an exam on the subject in a few days and I didn’t yet know what ‘automata’ meant. I was waiting for a meeting and she had just got done with one. She asked me what I was reading. I explained and we spent all of the next ten minutes or so until my meeting figuring out what an automaton is. I know now that if a girl is ever curious enough about automata or machine learning or cryptocurrencies to help me figure them out then I should kiss her right then and there.
I know what you’re thinking and to answer your question, nothing ever happened with her. There was another girl I really liked back then with whom I thought I had a better chance. I was a naive fool and thought that showing even the slightest hint of romantic interest in more than one girl at a time wasn’t a good idea. We left AIESEC and I (am 97% sure that I) never saw her again.
Long after I broke up with the other girl I thought about her again. I tried to look her up but all I had was a name. She didn’t seem to have any trace on the internet. No Facebook account, no helpful search results. None of her AIESEC friends knew where she was. (Okay I’ll admit, I only tried asking one).
I worked in New York for five months in 2010. I did all I could to catch every band and musician I liked that played anywhere near New York city. I caught Bob Dylan at Terminal 5 the night before I left for a road trip to Niagara. I was late because I had to go home after work to pack my bags. A friend who really loved Bob Dylan was waiting outside with my ticket when he would rather be holding his place at the front row. I walked as fast as I could driven by the guilt of making him wait with the knowledge that I could have planned this better. About fifty steps from the entrance I passed a girl who was looking down and walking almost as fast as me in the opposite direction. She wore a sweatshirt with her hood up and carried a backpack. For those couple of seconds in the dark she looked like Her. I turned around as she passed but I didn’t have time to see where she went. Of course, it made sense! If she was anywhere near New York city at the time (given that that’s a long shot) she would definitely be at the Bob Dylan concert. He was her favorite. I walked on knowing that if it was her, I’d run into her again before the night was through. I kept my eyes open both during the gig and after but I saw no sign of that girl again.
I googled her again today and found out that she’s studying and doing research on particle physics in the US. Something about neutrinos. How cool is that?! Time is strange and it’s made me a T-shirt peddler and I think it’ll take me weeks to understand just the basics of what she does today even if she told me herself. If she didn’t live halfway around the world I’d probably hang out around her university until I bumped into her.
Maybe I’ll meet her someday still. Maybe she’ll be seeing someone but we’ll still catch up at a cosy coffeehouse that plays Dylan and I’ll make her tell me all about her research and the difference between muon neutrinos and electron neutrinos. I’ll listen to her with a genuine expression of awe as she tells me about how they create a beam of neutrinos which pass through the earth’s crust while being largely unaffected by it and other such sciency-stuff.
As night sets in our conversation will stray. We’ll talk about how they once thought that neutrinos travel faster than light and what it would mean if they really did. We’ll talk about science fiction and time travel. We’ll talk about philosophy and compare neutrinos to people and how we zip through so much of our lives without really being affected by everything we pass through. After the coffee shop shuts and I walk home I’ll wonder if there’s an alternate universe where I tried my luck with her when I had my chance and if there’s another one where I ended up spending my life trying to understand the smallest building blocks of our world.
Decades from now, when I’m seventy-something and trying to piece together the story of my life one last time, my memory will be worn with age and as hard as I try to recall what I did for these few years when I hardly blogged I’ll draw a blank. With no record of all that happened in this time it’ll be impossible to know. I will call them The Dark Ages.
It’s been a long time since I was last here. I’ve been busy doing things. I traveled Europe for a little bit, I got some work done and I learnt basic cryptography on Coursera. I’ve been busy finishing the things I started. Finishing things takes effort; blog-neglecting effort.
now that I’ve finished some of the things that needed finishing, I’m back here for a bit. I’m here with quite a bit to say but I’m wary of putting it down in words. Another day, maybe.
The internet is not a place for you to vent your hatred. There are real people here who are affected by the things you say. Be polite, be helpful. Create something useful, help people trying to create something useful. Don’t be a troll. Don’t argue with a troll. Call out a troll. There’s a lot of things you can do here and some of them are almost magical. There’s a lot of people whose lives you can affect here, the number is almost unfathomable.
However little your consequence may be, you are swaying the attitudes of everyone here. The direction you sway them in matters because you are going to meet a lot of these people in your life.
*Every bit of these guidelines is just as relevant IRL.
I think about running away from time to time. Not running away for good but running away indefinitely. I have a feeling most of you do too. There are times that last far too long when I don’t feel anything at all and all I want is any form of stimulation. Most of these times, thinking about running away is enough but I’m sure that there will be a time when escaping in fantasy won’t suffice. When this time comes, you should keep a few things in mind.
- You’re most probably going to come back at some point, don’t burn too many bridges.
- Travel light. Don’t take more than you can carry on your shoulders. Baggage will only hold you back.
- Let at least two people know how to find you if you need to be found.
- Wear comfortable shoes with strong soles.
- Carry a notebook and a pencil.
- Find a place where the people are nice.
- It’s okay yo go back even if it’s only been three days since you left.
Yesterday I found out that Bitfloor, the Bitcoin exchange is being forced to close their bank account. I have about 360 USD in my account with them that I will not see for a while. There’s even a small chance that I won’t see it again.
Yesterday two friends who I’ve spent a lot of time with of late made me feel like the awesomest person in the world and unintentionally showed me that they love me at least much as I can possibly expect them to love me.
I’m quite certain that today I feel richer rather than poorer.