Anomaly / Imposter Syndrome

I am certain that you liking me on Tinder was an anomaly. It was either a random low probability event or a straight up aberration in the flow of our stories. These things happen sometimes. Fingers twitch. You might have had too much coffee. If the universe is anything like me it will let an anomaly run amok out of curiosity for just a while before it corrects itself.

Your spelling, punctuation and grammar is impeccable. You have a way with words that makes text conversations incredibly fun. You’re fun in person. You’re a model, a theatre actor and you sing well. You’re twenty-five, you enjoy going on dates with people and aren’t looking for an exclusive relationship. You will eventually realise that I’m a little boring and then you’ll correct yourself.

None of this presents a problem. I’m putting on my running shoes so that we can run amok.

Day 134: The Blizzard

There was a huge blizzard across most of the north-east of the USA yesterday. There’s still a foot or two of snow covering everything. It snowed like hell (or just the opposite if hell’s supposed to be hot) all night. I had a good excuse to not got to office today and to slide on my ass on the hill in the park near my house. My excuse for not going to office was that the trains were not operating up to the station closest to my house. The trains run underground until just about half a kilometer from this station after which they run above ground. My super dedicated roommate went to work and walked about half an hour in the snow to get to the next station. I stayed at home and checked the status of the trains and chatted with friends and uploaded pictures on facebook. Around noon they cleared enough snow to extend the train service till the station closest to my house but it made no sense going to office then. I later found out (on twitter) about this community snowball fight at Madison Square Park , which is just a little further than my office and gobbled up my lunch and gathered my camera and a package that I had to drop in the post office for a friend and headed off to brave the snow. I don’t want to make a point in this blog post today, I don’t see a point in making a point. You can infer whatever you want.

Because of all the mess the snow had made, I got there only around 3:20 (the snowball fight was supposed to be at 2:30) and got there in time to see everyone queued up at the shake shack for hot chocolate. In the end, it didn’t matter because the whole city looked real pretty covered in snow and I could roam around and enter whichever cafe I felt like for hot chocolate. I’d attach pictures but I’m too lazy to do it right now because it’s dinner time and I just had a very strong glass of home made long island ice tea.

I enjoy days with blizzards and snow storms and torrential rainfall and floods and other such things more than other days. I’m sure people die and people use the opportunity to break in and steal and people get hurt and people are miserable and countries and corporations lose millions in productivity and repair but I’m happier. I’ll also go out in the flood or the blizzard and risk my health and camera just to watch and take pictures and be a part of it. I don’t know why, but I feel a little sorry for you if you just sit in the comfort of your home waiting for it to pass and everything to return back to normal. It feels a bit like I wait through the normal days waiting for the next natural calamity.

P.S. I’m coming back in 12 days!


We’re all noise. We’re all discordant, radiating ourselves into space until we fade away. In this chaos, we find harmony in others sometimes. All of us at some point find at least one other to comfortably coexist with, to blend with, to resonate with. Sometimes, the lucky ones find more. We find groups of us that get along. A bunch of us who can all completely be ourselves around each other. A bunch of us who now carry parts of each other within ourselves. A bunch of us who can remind each other of who we are. A few people I could call family sometimes. Harmony is always transient, contained in a larger chaos. But it feels like the harmony can outlast us. Maybe we’ll hold together.

To an outsider we’d be as refreshing and intangible as a song or a symphony. Some of you may listen. Fewer still, will wonder what holds us together. And it might even be possible someday that one more finds his place within us. After all, how did we find each other? Floating through the noise, something caught on and made sense and stuck around. I still believe that we’re all noise though. Too much of each other and you’ll hear it.

(This is somewhat, but not entirely a response to this )


I thought we all needed a goal, an objective, something to keep moving toward.
Nothing can ever be perfectly perfect.
We look deeper, until we find an imperfection, something to fix.
and after it’s fixed, there’s always more.
It seems brilliant.
to always keep us going, and always give us the satisfaction of achieving something.
But it’s built on it’s own imperfection.
It’s unlikely that we’ll give up, even on seeing it’s pointlessness.
But every once in a while, we hit something that cant be fixed, at least without making everything else worse.
Ingrained with persistence, we can’t let it go.
So we finally stop, and wonder…
I know I’ll get on with it again, but i wonder if i really want to.
Because i just want to stop and stare, at the blur.

It’s all just a phase.
It was just a phase to try so hard to fit in, to mould myself to fit in.
It’s just a phase to want to stand out now, to make myself as different as possible.
It was just a phase to be not care about what’s to come.
and it’s just a phase to wonder what’s gone past.
It’s just a phase to try to make sense of it all,
and it’s just another phase to give up, and find as much confusion as possible.

It’s all just a way to avoid the same old …
It’s all just a way to try to grow.
It’s all just a way to confirm your freedom.
It’s all just a way to keep occupied.

“what did I just say?”