Day 143: I can’t breathe (The return of the Separation Anxiety)

I can’t breathe because I have too much to do. I can’t sleep ‘coz the world won’t wait. Okay, that last line is from an Oasis song, but I really can’t sleep. I have only 2 days left and I have to fit half a room full of stuff into two bags and then sleep enough to not fall sick and then go to office and then go to dinner at my friends place in fucking queens and then do some last minute shopping and then sleep again and then go to office again and then get drunk again and say a decent goodbye to this city and wake up in time to catch my flight the next day. You see, I’m going to mess something up. I’m going to forget something. It’s inevitable. I just had a glass of brandy with warm water to put me t sleep. Luckily that always does the trick.

Good night.

Day 65: Separation Anxiety

It’s true, the thought of leaving here is making me anxious. I keep running through a list of everything I need to do before I leave here over and over again in my head. Maybe putting this list down will help with some closure. So here are things that I HAVE to do before leaving here:-

  • See American Idiot on Broadway (If this doesn’t happen by next weekend, I’ll go alone)
  • See Muse live. (I already have a ticket for that this Sunday, but I’m a little worried it might be fake. Logically, I’m quite sure it’s not but you know, I’m anxious so I’m going to go to the ticketmaster retailer tomorrow and ask them to check. Then I’ll know.)
  • Go to The Bitter End at least once more and sit through all the bands that play there. Twice preferably.
  • Buy things for people
    • Mineral ice from a pharmacy
    • A lamb of god t-shirt and a couple of posters from one of the stores on Bleeker St.
    • A zippo
    • A few I<3 NY t-shirts.
    • Chocolates and candy (I could make another sub-list here, but lets not)
    • Random items from the Guitar Store for “the band”
    • Books from the Barns & Noble
    • Any other random things I might come across
    • Alcohol
    • Phones
  • Have the Plain New York Cheesecake again. Twice preferably. *salivates*
  • Go to Times Square again, preferably with a tripod and take one brilliant picture of it.
  • Take pictures of EVERYTHING.
  • Go to Union Square Park and sit there and write. Because it’s a beautiful place to write.
  • Go for the Beatles tribute brunch that happens every Saturday.
  • Reach home after 4am. Twice preferably.
  • Go to the top of the Empire State Building
  • See the Statue of Liberty
  • Talk to a random girl at a bar again. Twice preferably.
  • Have lunch at the Chelsea High-line. And take photos of it.
  • Eat sushi.

That’s all I can think of for now. You see, it’s a huge list. I have only 18 days to do it all in.

Day 14: One-sixth

I can’t get sleep tonight, which sucks because I have to get up in less than 8 hours to go to work tomorrow and I slept only around 4 hours last night. There’s never enough time to sleep. Today makes it two weeks that I’ve been here, which means one-sixth of my time here is done. One-sixth isn’t that much, but it’s gone by so fast. There’s never enough time to do everything you want and there’s never enough time to do enough nothing either. I’ve started making friends here. Making friends is really easy but it’s a really long process. I wish I could speed it up because I know I don’t have that much time here; by the time I’ll know people well, it’ll be time to leave and (mostly) never see them again. It’s a little depressing. I don’t know what else to tell you… I wish I could just sleep. I’m anxious for some reason. All I can think of is all these things that I want to do and I wish I could just spend the day tomorrow doing them. This happens when I go out too much and don’t get enough time to myself. Spending 9 hours a day doing something you don’t love is brutal. I read this online somewhere: “They say every cigarette takes away 7 minutes of your life, but every working day takes away 9 hours.” And though it’s a little lame, it’s frighteningly true. you spend some of the most productive hours of your day with nothing to show at the end. I need time, so I’m going to take my time for a while. And I’m going to take this one day at a time. I need to clear my head. I’m going to try sleeping again now, and not think about tomorrow.

Day 2

Hello All,

I thought that today I would have the time to sit down and write a long elaborate post along with some pictures and videos about my first impressions of New York. But the truth is that I’m too tired. I didn’t get to sleep much on the flight here and coz of the time difference that day lasted 33 and a half hours for me. I could have slept after I got here, but it was 12 in the afternoon and my roommates were going to see the India Day Parade, which has been happening in New York on the 15th of August for the past 30 years and after all it was my first day in New York and I thought that since I’m still only twenty three I’ll be able to manage it. The consequence, however, is that I had a terrible cold all of yesterday, which I’m still getting over, and even after sleeping 11 hours last night, I’ve been sleepy since 10pm today. I should sleep at 11 anyway, which is 12 minutes from now since I have to get up around 7 for work tomorrow.

This place is awesome. And as Shivani said, I do feel right at home here. Sadly, I haven’t got the chance to explore NY much. And that is exactly what I plan to do tomorrow after work. I need to find ways of keeping track of all the fun stuff that goes on here. You know, live music and other such stuff. This means that I might not find the time to write a decent blog post tomorrow either. I unpacked today though. I moved all my clothes into my closet. Now the only things I have on the to-do list in my head are: organise my pictures, figure out how to make calls for cheap from my ipod and laptop, write a decent long blog post and find places to keep track of all the fun stuff in NY. I’m being redundant, I know. I guess by the end of this week my I should have adapted to this. This house I’m staying in is big and comfortable. I also have a roommate who cooks, but he’s leaving next weekend. I’ll let you know more when I have the time. For now, I’m off to bed. Let’s hope tomorrow goes well. Goodnight.


I can’t sleep, because there’s too much going through my mind. Again. Finally!
There are some things you just have to wait for. You can try writing every thought in your head, but it won’t work.
Thoughts are like tiny colourful wisps of light. You can try catching them in your butterfly net, but it won’t work. You just have to wait until they align themselves to form something worth photographing.
You could also say that your head is like that gigantonormous box with a gazillion watch parts (and new ones being thrown in all the time) being shaken around. You’ve gotta wait until you get a watch.
Putting it directly, I cant write when i want to, I can write when I have to.
If you ever want to, and don’t have to, I suggest you go explore something new.
Go look for answers to all your questions, and don’t worry, you’ll never run out. The answers will come tied to more questions. That’s if they aren’t questions themselves.
Go find out why things you think should work don’t. Go find everything imperfect and unideal and take your shot at fixing it.
The world’s big enough to entertain you for many lifetimes, and its right outside in front of your doorstep. Or outside your window.
Creativity’s born out of randomness, and a large portion of randomness is not knowing what you’re going to do, or why you’re doing it. And randomness cant be bred with a plan. So quickly finish off everything planned to leave room for that which isn’t.

Time isn’t like water running down the drain, or sand in your fist.
It’s like a new blank page, everyday, left for you to fill.

To finish off, I’d like to say that I’m back. Lost as ever.


Time is relative.
The length of a fraction of a second is proportional to the amount of adrenaline in your veins.
The length of a second depends on how little there is to do in it.
The length of a few minutes depends on how far away my current state of mind is from what it was to begin with.

I can’t think of how it works for larger intervals of time.
A week ago feels like yesterday.
Two months ago still feels like last year.
and this morning feels like four days ago.
Tomorrow, it all rearranges.

I miss my computer. The one in front of me right now is half a decade old and can’t react fast enough to my typing.
I feel just the same, life should type slower.
I want to go to sleep, but everything feels incomplete.
I know there’s a thousand things i need to do right now, but i can’t remember what they are.
I was also sure i had much better things to write.
maybe i should just go to sleep.