Tag: xanga import

Posted on in The Life And Times

Tagged

I’ve been tagged !! woohooo !!

To begin with: 6 random/weird facts about myself :-

1 – I sometimes voluntarily roll off my bed in the morning to wake myself up. It’s the most effective way of waking up when I’m half asleep and I know that if I lie down for a minute more I’d be completely asleep and I know I would rather be awake. Sitting up is to hard, unless I really have a reason to wake up in the morning, which I rarely do anymore. Falling on the cold hard floor always wakes me up.

2 – I used to try to take the same number of left and right turns. It’s not as hard as it may sound, you just have to keep count and not let the total be than a few full revolutions in either direction.
Why?, because otherwise it’s not fair to the other side.
This is why i would hate marching practise, apart from it’s sheer pointlessness. An about turn is always on the left (I think) and hence, by the end of it, there’s always a lot more left turns than right turns.

3 – I once threw a book at a teacher in junior kindergarden. If i remember correctly, she promised to finish off after completing some chapter, or paragraph, or something of the sort, but just kept going even after she was done with it. That’s when she got hit by a notebook. I also remember that i was sitting on the 2nd bench from the front and maybe the 2nd or 3rd from the right. The door was on the front left. Don’t ask me why that’s important.

4 – The pair of jeans I’m wearing hasn’t been washed since sometime in september, before i-rock XX. I should say that I’ve worn them less than 12 times since, before you make any assumptions.

5 – I believe I could survive a fall at terminal velocity, onto a car or something.

6 – I can type a lot faster than I can write.

Now I’m supposed to tag 6 people. I wouldn’t know who to tag because everyone has apparently already been tagged. I will find people to tag, and tag them later. … I swear I will.

In any case, the rules are :-

1) Start with six random/weird facts about yourself

2) Tag six people who now have to write six random facts about themselves, as well as clearly posting these rules.

3) Make sure to post the names of six people at the end of the post

4) Leave the six tagged people a comment on their website telling them that they are tagged, and to go to your website for the rules/information.

Posted on in The Life And Times

New year’s day

Somebody tell me why I’m happy.
Let me try.
I haven’t slept enough to get anything in perspective.
I’ve had enough coffee to not feel sleepy.
VH1 is playing big rockers in 05, and everything in my head is singing along.
I had fun, more than I have in a while, and I did nothing special.
I did things my way, and it worked out perfect.
I saw everything I’ve done and everything I’ve become, and it’s just the way it should be.
Did I mention that vh1 still hasnt played a single song I dont love?
and every song takes me back to somewhere in the past year.
Everyone else is happy, or pretending to be, at least.

But this isn’t a new beginning.
This isn’t the end of anything.
This is just a moment to look at things, again. … as if they were the way they were meant to be.
and the world still looks different.
When one hour of sleep and two cups of coffee makes me as happy as I’ve ever been.
With a little contribution from the fact that they’re now playing Green Day – Holiday.

Posted on in The Life And Times

Nostalgia

There’s so much I want to do over again.
and not because I’d do it any differently.
I hate not being able to define what I miss so much.

Nostalgia comes with the vivid recollection of things already faded away.
Memories shrink away in the distance.
Everything in between, being much more than vacuum, distorts them.
And we keep getting pulled further away.
I forgot who I used to be. Now he waves at me from the distance.
I knew where I was going, but I don’t know where that got me.
And even not knowing where I’m going doesn’t slow me down.
I can wait for him, but he can’t come.

He had such a nice cozy home.
That he left, it was time to see the outside.
Colourful, yet bland. Cold, and beautiful in its own way.
It was everything else.

That home isn’t the same way I had left it.
All things fade, but leave their residue.
Never the same, but always there.
And I carry so little with me.
But I don’t need that home.
I don’t need those things to be just the way they were.
And I don’t need perfect memories.
I don’t even need to know where I’m going.
I just need to look into your eyes, and see that you still remember who we used to be,
when we were just a few thousand miles further from infinity.
And know that we will always carry our pieces of it, so that nothing is ever lost.

Posted on in The Life And Times

Pointless

I thought we all needed a goal, an objective, something to keep moving toward.
Nothing can ever be perfectly perfect.
We look deeper, until we find an imperfection, something to fix.
and after it’s fixed, there’s always more.
It seems brilliant.
to always keep us going, and always give us the satisfaction of achieving something.
But it’s built on it’s own imperfection.
It’s unlikely that we’ll give up, even on seeing it’s pointlessness.
But every once in a while, we hit something that cant be fixed, at least without making everything else worse.
Ingrained with persistence, we can’t let it go.
So we finally stop, and wonder…
I know I’ll get on with it again, but i wonder if i really want to.
Because i just want to stop and stare, at the blur.

It’s all just a phase.
It was just a phase to try so hard to fit in, to mould myself to fit in.
It’s just a phase to want to stand out now, to make myself as different as possible.
It was just a phase to be not care about what’s to come.
and it’s just a phase to wonder what’s gone past.
It’s just a phase to try to make sense of it all,
and it’s just another phase to give up, and find as much confusion as possible.

It’s all just a way to avoid the same old …
It’s all just a way to try to grow.
It’s all just a way to confirm your freedom.
It’s all just a way to keep occupied.

“what did I just say?”

Posted on in The Life And Times

Feeling good about nothing

I can make myself feel good about nothing.
I hate making myself feel good about nothing.
It’s gonna hurt when I find out that I really have nothing to be feeling good about.
But im gonna be feeling good until then. And i’m going to do it anyway.
Do I really have that little foresight?
So, overall, I accomplished nothing, and I know that.
But I still think I achieved something, and I’m feeling good about that.
But I know I’ve done nothing, except make myself feel good.
But that’s obviously a good enough reason to do something.
Then why do I have to feel bad about it later?
Because, obviously, I have other things that I should be doing.
But they wouldn’t make me feel as good.
Then why do them?
Maybe I can make myself feel good about just being able to make myself feel good.
No, I hate making myself feel good about nothing.
But now, I’m doing it anyway.
I hate this.
Hey, now I dont feel that good anymore. wow.
Dammit, now I can even make myself feel good about not feeling good.
It’s like someone messed with my head to make sure i can’t feel not good.
Fix it! I don’t want to feel good!!

I hate exams.
I hate studying for exams.
I hate people who study for exams. If nobody studied that much, then we could all study less and be happy about it.
It’s not like I’m not happy anyway, as all of the above makes obvious.
But then maybe I could just be a lot happier about being happy.
Someone should make rules for the maximum amount that people can study. And kill people who dont follow them.
“Why?”
“Because that’s cheating, and you just deserve to die.”

Posted on in The Life And Times

TIme

Time is relative.
The length of a fraction of a second is proportional to the amount of adrenaline in your veins.
The length of a second depends on how little there is to do in it.
The length of a few minutes depends on how far away my current state of mind is from what it was to begin with.

I can’t think of how it works for larger intervals of time.
A week ago feels like yesterday.
Two months ago still feels like last year.
and this morning feels like four days ago.
Tomorrow, it all rearranges.

I miss my computer. The one in front of me right now is half a decade old and can’t react fast enough to my typing.
I feel just the same, life should type slower.
I want to go to sleep, but everything feels incomplete.
I know there’s a thousand things i need to do right now, but i can’t remember what they are.
I was also sure i had much better things to write.
maybe i should just go to sleep.

Posted on in The Life And Times

Fleeting feelings

It rained again. probably for the last time.

To be deprived of the privilege to think too much can feel so nice.
To live in the moment, they always say you should.
To sing on the street in pouring rain accompanied by sunshine.
To sing a song, when the words have no meaning.
and it can all look so beautiful.
The sun hides briefly behind a small white cloud, illuminating its outline.
To not try to look through the chaos makes it seem more than transparent.
To not try to search in it for meaning, symmetry, or conclusions.
When everything can either be totally fucking awesome, or worth nothing at all.
and everything is totally fucking awesome.
To live in the moment, lasts only for a moment.
Only an intermission
and all of it that’s captured by memory is meaningless.

Posted on in The Life And Times

Left Ear

An attempt at recollecting my thoughts while falling alseep, a few nights ago:

The usual cross-fading between reality and something else …. with my eyes closed, an image begins to form out of a blur ………. more images …. they begin to blend into each other … audio kicks in ……. a sound ………beginning to gather detail only as i pay attention to it …… it sounds like words ……. words i dont understand ……… like a soft whisper, but loud, like it was right next to my left ear ……… no meaning ……….. I’m not asleep yet …… suddenly a more conscious thought forces its way in …. like ones that exist only when you’re awake…. “was it real?
……the whisper …. “was it real?”
“WAS IT REAL?”
I open my eyes and look left …….. a dark empty room ………. my heart going faster than normal ……… close my eyes again …. that’s something i wanna remember …. something i want to write about later ….. but wait …. if I fall asleep now I wont remember it…… I pick up a pencil and scribble in the dark on an already cluttered piece of paper lying on the table near by: “left ear” ….. yeah ………… that should make sure I remember it tomorrow morning …………..
and I closed my eyes again ………maybe the whisper resumed, maybe the words made sense …….. I dont know, I fell asleep.